Procrastination is sometimes survival

The truth is that in order for anyone to face any task, we must know at least one step to take. Without knowing which direction to turn or where to begin, we can't.

I got stuck for a while.  I was waiting for a break in the burdens before even looking at that box full of papers. I didn't know what mattered and what didn't. I'd thrown out what I should have kept and I had kept plenty of useless papers. I was lost and too tired to think. So it sat.

I feel a mix of guilt and grace about it. I wish I'd been more capable, but I really wasn't. And in order to get done just the basics of caring for my kids and husband, I needed to prioritize and set aside everything that wasn't urgent. The bills weren't the only thing I put off,  many other things got sacrificed. But it was temporary, things are better, and I wan't to forgive myself for what I couldn't do and move forward now.

So here we are, my husband is healing from Chemo, recovering from surgery, feeling better, but not whole. Trying to figure out what he can and can't do.

But there is still that damn box. Full of papers. And we can ignore it, but we'll pay a steep price.

So, here i am now, facing it.